I hope I did not leave you sweating because all week you were waiting in suspense to hear about “The Shoe Guy”, “The Jew” and “Blue Eyes”. All three who made my top three list during my initial adventure with POF. The Shoe guy had, to date, the best profile I have ever read. It was so witty that I in fact copy and pasted it so I could read it to my friends because it was so funny. I like to think myself to be a little witty, so he had my heart when I discovered he was as well. Sharing a love for nachos, and being completely honest that he would never give up football Sundays with his bros for a woman made me further intrigued by his… brutal honesty. I’ll admit now that I’m not a huge fan of any man that is so obsessed with sports that he’s leaning to the side while you’re on a date to catch the score of ‘the game’, but maybe it was a combination of his honesty and the projection of manliness that did it for me?
Before I go on—tip #1—I should advise that it is the best idea to chat with people for a couple weeks before going on a date. Some people suggested a phone call, so retro. Who chats on the phone anymore? (I actually dated someone who brought back the “retro phone call” and I forgot how much fun it was to chat on the phone like you did with your high school crush). In this case, I did not. Too risky unless you have already met someone. Keep in mind people have countless hours to cultivate an extremely great reply that could be edited by a charismatic friend of theirs before it’s sent, so a phone call with awkward silences makes me shift in my seat just writing about it. Believe me, I’ve been the charismatic friend, it happens frequently.
Anywho, Shoe Guy turned out to be as great as his profile after a couple weeks of chatting, that I decided to meet him in person. He took me to Spirit House which is just on Portland and Adelaide. Great place by the way if you are in to swanky cocktails and have a love for brown liquor like myself. He looked just like his picture—thank goodness—and tall. Being a tall female, this is a must. I don’t want to be shallow, I’ve tried to date shorter, once, never again. I don’t want to feel like I’m ‘in charge’. I’m dating men for a reason people, there are plenty of other short fish in the sea gents. To all my tall females out there though, can we talk about where all the tall men have gone? I feel like my pool has gotten even smaller that I even have a hard time wearing heels anymore. We’ll save that chat for une autre blog. For now back to Shoe Guy. Conversation was great, just like our message, another thank goodness. He reminded me a lot of Vince Vaughn in looks and personality. I also found it very intriguing that he got into the female shoe industry as a distributor. Obviously this will never be a dying industry but given his masculinity this would not have been my first guess. But hey, if the shoe fits… There were no real red flags popping up and he kept me interested, my eyes did not glaze over once.
After about 5 cocktails we headed out, because I had plans later on. At $15 a pop, it was such a treat for a first date. Let me clarify this is not a prerequisite, I am more than okay for just going out for a simple coffee, you do not have to break the bank men. I am still a strong believer in that men should pay for the first date, this should not change with the times. Yes, I understand that roles are changing, people are dating a lot more and for a lot longer than recent generations—but courting a woman should never completely die. Showing dominance and that you can take care of a woman is still apart of our human nature. For example, an engagement ring is supposed to be representative of how a man will be able to take care of a woman; purchasing something expensive that is not necessarily useful or consumable. I compare this with the first date. Obviously you may not be spending the rest of your life with this woman—but from a human nature perspective—buying her first meal/drink is similar in relation.
Tip #2, always have a plan B for the first date. If you meet up with somebody after meeting them online, there is a good chance they will not at all be who you fantasized they will be. You need a plan B so you are not stuck there and have a quick escape – let me tell you this has be extremely useful in the past. If they date is amazing, be shameless, admit that you had a plan B in case it was awkward and didn’t work out. Either way he a) either thinks you legitimately have plans and are leaving to attend them or b) you think he’s attractive, the date is going really well and you want to stay and get to know him better. It’s a win-win.
Shoe Guy walked me about half the way until we broke off into different directions. We clearly had chemistry, and with the help of alcohol, he leaned in for a kiss on the corner. We then parted ways but the lights turned red and I couldn’t walk just yet, so he turned around and said “well I can’t just leave you alone on the corner like this”, and came sweeping me into his arms for a longer make-out on the corner. A first kiss, let alone a good one is rare encounter for the first date, especially when you met them online. I was clearly off to a good start and was onto this online dating business of mine. I left with butterflies in my stomach – great sign.
A few days later I made plans with “The Jew”. I’m sorry for the derogatory remark, but I need nicknames, and he’s Jewish…sufficient? The Jew was an actor—which now after dating two actors though online dating— I probably will not put myself through this again, unless it’s his “Plan B” and not his “Plan A”. He took time in the messages he wrote to me, so they were long and showed that he was actually interested in getting to know each other, and not just getting into my pants. After a few weeks as well and within the same week as Shoe Guy, I met up with The Jew for a coffee date at Chapters at John and Richmond (R.I.P). This was such a great date location during Christmas time when everything is festive. You could have coffee and chat without it being so quiet that everyone around you knew you were on a first date and met online. Also you could walk around and have conversational material around you, browsing at books so it’s not as awkward as sitting there one on one.
Tip #3, never put all your eggs in one basket. It’s online dating, everyone is seeing multiple people majority of the time, and will probably be using more than one site/app. Don’t invest too much into one person, you will only end up disappointed. Some people find this more difficult in others, but women are the worst (sorry for the stereotype) at fantasizing right away. One of my best friends is so neurotic she was getting all anxious and sparkly eyed on my ass asking if she should message a guy on Tinder. OK well first off, it’s Tinder. You swipe left if you think someone is not attractive and right if you do. So it’s shallow and now notorious for being known as a hook-up app—the new POF of fishing with dynamite if you will—but less leg work in chatting with someone. Keep expectations low and you’ll always come out high. Having a comparable is great because it will highlight things and traits that you like in one person and dislike in another. We’re dating here. A huge part of this is learning what you need from a partner in a relationship.
So “The Jew”, unlike his messages, was not as conversational in person. It certainly wasn’t the worst date I’ve ever been on, but he lacked the confidence I thought he had. I was border-line working my ass off to keep things going. He was very attractive and well dressed though which I really liked. The red flag moment— he was in his early thirties and living at home as an aspiring actor. I used to aspire to be a Victoria Secret model but by the time I was 20 and that wasn’t happening—the jig is up—try something else or at least don’t make it your sole existence. Also, considering I moved away from home when I was 18 and have yet to return, it’s a turnoff for me when kids are milking the parent teet—especially at 30—and because you’re poor and you’re trying to pursue your acting career. He mentioned he was looking for places and getting ready to fly the coop but you’re early 30’s, how long have you been saying this? Talk is cheap, let’s put some runners on you and make this a sprint not a marathon.
It was a breath of fresh air when the date was over, I met up with my girlfriends who were waiting for me in a coffee shop around the corner; plan B. I know sometimes first dates are awkward so it’s tough to be judgemental right up front. It’s kind of like a job interview. People aren’t going to be 100% themselves, but if you are that’s really hot. Here comes tip #4, if your gut is telling you you’re not into him, cut your losses and run. I have been that “nice person” TOO many times and made myself go out with a person multiple times to give them the benefit of the doubt—but hey at least they were easy on the eyes. However I am telling you now—like a multiple choice question—go with your gut. It’s clearly something instinctual and don’t waste your own time or theirs anymore. A lot of people like to let things fizzle out, which I think is pretty cowardly. So here comes tip #5, if you’re not into someone, tell them straight up. “Look I think you’re great, but something is missing for me, I wish you all the best”. If they respond like a child because they’re offended and think they’re God’s gift, it only further validates your decision. This person is a child. We’re adults at this point, so hurting someone’s feelings should no longer be as big of an issue. We’ve all lived enough to know that life doesn’t always give you what you want, it’s nothing personal, it’s life, move on. If you are worried about hurting someone’s feelings, I at least give them some excuse and do not just cut them off. A classic one is “my ex and I have decided to work things out”. This excuse is great because it’s a) something typical that happens all the time and people can relate, and b) you’ve broken up with someone without making it about “them”. It’s not them that you do not like so they’re ego is less damaged and they are less likely to react in a defensive way.
So this blog post is getting out of control, I’ll skip on next to “Blue Eyes”. Blue Eyes was very good looking in his pictures, he was smart and driven which is what really drew me to him. I love a man with motivation. We met up at Bar Wellington, which is Portland and Adelaide. They have a great patio for the summer time, but also a great dark pub-like setting inside. Given that it was winter, we sat inside. He was tall and just as good looking in person, except those blue eyes were much more intense in person. They opened up so wide there were times I thought I should reach out to spontaneously catch them if they flew out. I tried to look past that, you see how hard that is given that typically what one should look at on a date, because we bonded a lot more on that values and livelihood level. He had worked very hard for everything he had to date, where I did as well and could relate. Coming from hardship and being with someone who has also endured can be a must. I also find this very attractive because failures and struggles make someone more confident and driven than people who have had life handed to them on a platter.
One beer turned into 3, which was promising, but I had to pop down to the washroom and unfortunately “break the seal”. Given a lady of height I have long legs, and Toronto has taught be to be a fast walker. So the combination of a long stride and speed going up the stairs caused my pencil skirt (I came from work), to rip all the way up to my ass. The sound, everything I thought it would be, made me turn around and re-enter the washroom so I could investigate the damages. Yep. There it is. There’s my lower ass cheeks. I contemplated what I should do in this situation. Since the pub wasn’t packed and we were sitting relatively near the top of the stairs from the washroom, I bravely (and slowly might I add) walked back up the stairs. Scoping out the situation when I was at the top, I speedily quick-stepped back to my chair without anyone noticing. Thank goodness it was winter and I have a long jacket that goes to my knees so it would not be an issue getting up and leaving without having to face this issue again. Trying to act cool as a cucumber, I managed to finish my date without the need to bring it up. Blue Eyes, regardless of his at times bulging blue eyes, was a successful date. We hugged outside and went our separate ways with the interest in meeting again for a second date.
Overall the first three dates with my first three POF men were a relative success. No crazies, no wild red flags, only three interesting men who I’m sure we know the ranking of. Shoe Guy was clearly top of the list at this point. He had the looks, height, personality and a great first date impression. Blue Eyes came second with still a high score of attractiveness and relating a lot in terms of life and values. The Jew obviously came up last given his lack-lustre conversation, any sort of hardship, and lack of drive. Right away, I had already discovered traits that were clearly important for me. All three men I continue to date, but to bring up Tip #4, I should have just let The Jew go—but alas, I was still an “amateur” at that point.