XXX – The American Psycho

Apologies avid blog readers for being late; I use the word “avid” loosely due to my small following. So not all of my POF dates were as seamless as the ones I talked about. I did break one of my rules by meeting up with someone who I had barely spoken to – sorry Mom. We chatted briefly for a few days, but by this point it was nearing the end of my online dating experience with POF, and I was probably exhausted from the “correspondence” in between, I threw my hands up and said “fuck it” I may find out I don’t like him faster. Whoa, that was cynical. So this gent had a three letter name, that when you say it out loud you gets looks from your girlfriends like “really? You went out with someone named XXX?”. Aside from the looks I got, he was very attractive in his pictures but barely met the height requirement. He was 5”10, or so said his profile, and was successful, so all in all it seemed harmless. He also wanted to meet at BarChef on Queen West where I had been dying to go, so again, harmless.

I went to meet XXX outside his apartment, since it was along the way, to go for only a couple drinks since this time I really did have a Plan B already set up. XXX popped down to the front doors of the building to greet me but he didn’t have a coat on; it was dead of winter so no coat was not even an option. This was also the point in time that I discovered XXX was not 5”10. More like 5”9 but “I’m going to up myself to 5”10 to reach double digits”. I know that sounds silly, but an inch is detrimental when you are a tall lady. “Hey sweetie, come on up I just have to grab my coat” he said when I stepped inside. Okay well first off, please don’t call me sweetie, you’re not my gay best friend, and second of all, why didn’t you grab your coat on your way out the door? What a red flag, but somehow I got suckered into going up just so we could grab his jacket.

Cut to me stepping inside his stark white apartment. XXX will now be known form here on out as American Psycho. I’m talking white carpet, white walls, white furniture, countertops, the works. I could feel a lump in my throat instantly. My Dad who used to be a cop would not be proud of me, all of his words of wisdom gone down the drain from my naiveté.  Everything was way too tidy. He was clearly going to need to lay out plastic before he axed me to death. Now that I’ve set the scene for you let me tell you how I somehow got roped into having a glass of wine with him at his place. I started to feel a little more at ease, especially when he came across as gay, or maybe it was the wine. I made sure to tell him numerous times that I was meeting my girlfriend down the road to go see a friend DJ and she knew where I was. I ended up making it out alive and to boot, he even walked me to meet my friend saying “you must be super friend” and embracing her like we’ve all known each other for years.

Taking that first gasp of air when I left that building was like coming out of the womb; my first ever. There were times during that date I did not think I would make it out alive. Thank goodness I had met up with my girlfriend so I could tell her about my horrible experience, and embrace life again with some pitchers of beer. We ended up at Czehoski on Queen to watch a friend DJ and was joined by one of his friends who sat with us. I ended up being so captivated by his down-to-earth personality I scribbled him my number on the back of my receipt before I left. This actually turned out to be morse code that he had to decipher by going through a string of friends before I heard from him – so much for discreet. He ended up being, I’m sorry to coin the same term, but my “Big”, the second love of my life. Who knew that after such a horrible date I would meet this next someone. Just when you think you’ve rock bottom in dating right? Let me also emphasize, it always seems to be these nights, those unexpected, no expectation nights. When you’re drowning in exhaustion from endless disappointing dates, take a break. Go out with your girlfriends and have zero expectations. It’s like a shark smelling blood, men can sense when women are not interested or not desperate.

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